Alcohol causes Swine Flu

[The Permanent Secretary for Public Health, Dr Prat Boonyawongvirot] said people can protect themselves from being infected by maintaining good health, getting enough rest and avoiding alcoholic drinks.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's booze that's the cause of the swine flu pandemic. The H1N1 virus is dominating the news stories similar to the way the bird flu did not long ago. It's only today that Israel makes a couple of the headlines because their either going to bomb Iran or demilitarize Palestine. I'm still curious about this though, is it a pandemic yet? From what I hear the WHO (world health organization) can't make up their mind. It seems they haven't established officially what a pandemic really is.

There is quite a big hype about the "number of reported cases". It's like a contest going on between all the countries seeing who can get the most cases. Imagine them bragging about getting the first cases, but being disqualified in that particular round because they were Mexicans. To really get points it has to be people from your own country who have not been to Mexico recently. The rules aren't clear yet on what kind of bonus you get from actual deaths, but the jury is bound to come up with something.

Regular people on the other hand, will not get swine flu, like we didn't get bird flu. I don't even know anybody who knows someone who got swine or bird flu. It seems so unreal. No worries though, just stay off drink and we'll be fine. *cough cough* *sneeze*