You might be a Thai Redneck if.....

You know how they joke about the part of the country where I come from (South Carolina) in the USA about being a redneck? Well I collected a few humorous quips about being a Thai redneck. See if you recognize any of them. Remember,....this is all for fun only.
Mark

You might be a Thai redneck if............
If you think a roadtrip to Bangkok...... to attend a peaceful demonstration..... just so you can meet women,......you might be a Thai redneck.
You might be a Thai redneck if you can be found sleeping in a hammock outside your house more than three afternoons a week,
You might be a Thai redneck if the first thing you do to a new motorcycle is remove the mirrors (cuz it looks cool), change the spokes, and add the noisiest muffler you can find.
if you spend all day asking farangs if they want a body massage, never specifying it would be from a lady.

if you ask farang if they want a taxi; but, no taxi is visible for 100 of yards.

if you still sit on a seat on the BTS with plenty of aunties and pregnant women forced to stand near you.

you like to drink your beer sitting in a group and you like to fight with the same group against any single person who pisses you off.

if you go to KFC for the air con.

if you ride the BTS for the air con.

How about when you start walking to the restaurant with a bottle of lao Kao hidden in a Johnny Walker Black carton.

You might be an international redneck if you view Totster's avatar and think... 1) really, who hasn't kissed or slept with Madonna?? 2) It sure looks like Britney wants more Madonna tongue

You might be a thai redneck if you serve your daughter's visiting falang boyfriend larb moo with one bright lime green tomatoe caterpillar that is still alive and moving. (true story)

You might be a thai redneck if you've EVER been hit with a flying banana .......either in a bar or..... at home.

You might be a thai redneck if you've ever been threatened with penal dislodgement ; but....., you do what you do anyway.

You might be a thai redneck if you've ever had a discussion about being a katoey..... as a career option.

You might be a thai redneck if you find yourself sleeping next to a water buffalo.... and an empty bottle of SangSom

You might be a Thai redneck if you drive around on a motorcycle with a long stick looking for something to eat.

If you load your truck with relatives, drive 3 hours at 15kph to a waterfall, and don't get in it, just eat kao neow and drink whisky.

If you catch geckos, skin them, dry them and send them to Taiwan.

"You might be a Thai redneck if...the whiskey you drink comes in a clear plastic bottle with a lable that says drinking water on the outside of it."

You might be a Thai redneck if your school bus is a converted pick-up truck with 30 to 40 kids riding in the back of it.

You might be a Thai redneck if your idea of a family car is a 125cc motorcycle with babyseat in front of the driver with 4 people being the most you can drive with.

You might be a Thai redneck if you use plara as cologne.
You might be a Thai redneck if you add your public nose pickings to your wife's green curry paste.

You might be a Thai redneck if you host a special barbeque party every time you run over a soi dog with your motorcye.

You might be....if your sister ended up with some old, fat, ruddy, beer-guzzling, ill-mannered, half-educated farang who takes every opportunity to disparage thailand and thai people, whine about things he doesn't understand, mangle the language, and pretend to be living happily in a state of imagined superiority.

You might be a Thai redneck if your work involves wearing a t-shirt on your head.
You're an Old Thai Redneck if you can quickly reel off 101 uses for a length of bamboo or a Pakhama.

You're a Young Thai Redneck when you think that a Man Utd David Beckham football shirt is a Traditional Thai garment.

You're a poor Thai Redneck when every meal or drink contains or originates from rice.

If you try and buy Jet Fighters...........by bartering chickens
You own a petrol station that meters out fuel in 100 Pipers bottles.

You fixed the light on your Motobike and now you feel like a sellout.

You can't sleep because that chicken in the next room just won't shut up.

You carefully avoid the dog sleeping in the middle of the street but drive away when you hit a person.

Your pub consists of two folding chairs on the sidewalk and a bucket of ice.

You might be a Thai redneck if you spent more on fircrackers than on books last year.