"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
- P. J. O'Rourke

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Unknown

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
- George Burns

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
- Woody Allen

"As the French say, there are three sexes--men, women and clergymen."
- Rev. Sydney Smith

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- George Burns

"Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any."
- Maharashi Fattifatbastard

"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
- Henry Miller

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- Steve Martin

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."
- Lynn Lavner

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
- Woody Allen

"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet."
- Bill Kelly

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
- Matt Barry

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."
- Drew Carey

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
- Unknown

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."
- Woody Allen

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
- Tom Clancy